Photo by Alexander Popov on Unsplash
Complaining has been a national sport for quite some time now and only increased in popularity through sites like Facebook and Twitter, inhabited by your favourite UKIP voting grandads and cancel culture mobs. With the pandemic going on, complaining has of course never been more appropriate. Since lockdown culture has seemed to hit a creative dead end, there's really not much left to do, so in my last post I announced I'd jump on the bandwagon and talk about all the trivial annoyances from the pre-lockdown 'normal' that I don't really want to go back to. Last time I covered travel, so this time I thought I'd keep it local by talking about good old customer service.
The irony of customers' love for complaining is that the same staff they complain about also love to do it back. It's just that there's no TripAdvisor for them where they can blow off some steam. I guess Twitter threads take care of that once again.
Whereas some reviews and complaints are definitely legitimate and constructive, I'm sure there a few things that aren't difficult to agree on, such as leaving a tip or at least not taking off service charge when a whole team has prepared a table for your reservation, and made sure you and your friends were satisfied throughout your visit. Especially in the last two months, many have emphasised how much of a difference a tip or kind gesture can make for the customer service workers who have not only helped you get through this lockdown, but even risked their safety doing so. If you're a bit tight on money but were peer pressured into going out, at least be honest about it instead of making up some excuse about taking off service charge because there weren't enough ice cubes in your drink or the service was too slow on a packed Friday night.
I'm not sure why some people still think they're more entitled to good and speedy service than others, but snapping your fingers at staff will not only grant you a spot in every hospitality worker's burn book, but also make everyone else who has the decency to wait their turn uncomfortable. The same goes for waving your cash at the bar, which I genuinely thought was only possible in movies until I witnessed it myself. The robots that will eventually replace real people, that is if automation decides to go that far, might not mind, but until then it might be a good idea to just take a breather, use the time to decide what you want to order, and perhaps even have a little friendly chat with the person next to you while you wait. Life could be this easy if you just allow it to be.
Before a mob of MRAs tells me to eat shit in my DMs, I'd just like to point out that I'm 100% generalising and only referring to the kinds of people I've stumbled into who think the following behaviour is anything but creepy. I'm aware this can happen to guys too, and I get that keeping a social and reasonable distance can be difficult in a packed bar, but maybe we could do a test run on what it would be like not to forcefully shove people out of your way because they're not giving you the Moses splitting the sea moment you apparently deserve? If this isn't too much to ask for, and I've been told I'm asking for a lot here, but, I don't know man, this might be a little crazy but, maybe don't see a crowded room as an opportunity to get away with touching people below their waistline? Or God forbid their boobs? No?
OK, I might be a little too hopeful, but let's try this one instead: You know when someone treats you like a nice human being and acknowledges you? When they might even hold a long conversation with you while they're waiting to be served too? I know that particularly "females" are just so difficult to understand, considering how elusive and irrational we are, and just like a Tinder match once said, "no one has managed to understand women yet", because I guess centuries of feminist writing haven't been clear enough in describing female experiences. But just in case this hasn't been obvious, a friendly, prolonged conversation isn't some kind of hint that they want to get in your pants. They might not even be interested in a date. There's no harm in asking, of course, but maybe accept that a simple 'no' uttered at the bar will be just as much as a rejection as it would be outside of one. Just thought I'd set the record straight without being elusive this time.
Additionally, just as a little note to the lovely guys who are popping into my head as I'm writing this, talking to you using the same agency that you used to talk to me wasn't an invitation to kiss me on the cheek. Neither was it an indirect way of giving consent towards 'playfully' blocking my way for the amusement of your mates, or a request for you to whistle and cheer when I got on top of a platform to reach for a specific spirit you asked for, like I was performing some kind of amateurish, erotic dance for you. The same goes for anyone of the opposite sex by the way. So ladies, please, not all men are as horny as they force every guy to pretend to be at all times, so no, you're not doing anyone a favour by smacking their arse or stalking them at work. Hot take, I know.
I really thought this was going to be funnier than it ended up to be, but these are real stories, so here we are, I guess. Luckily, most people treat others with an equal amount of respect as they expect to receive, but perhaps we can all be a bit mindful of our own behaviour and call out that of others as we're trying to navigate social situations again when all this is over. If you need a rant or just some cathartic, virtual nodding from me, my DMs are open, as I'm aware you could write books about this topic. Until then, be nice to workers, tip when you can, and basically, don't be a dick.