You lie awake in bed at 3am for no better reason than the fact that your stream of consciousness is in a race against your will to sleep. So far, it seems like the former is winning the competition, which doesn’t mean that it will arrive at its final destination anytime soon. Instead, it continues to swim towards an empty horizon, with no land in sight. Rest is not part of this race, and you will have to continue to power through for as long as your previously suppressed thoughts fuel it. This fuel is not exactly environmentally friendly. It poisons your mind, rottens your self-esteem and puts pressure onto your chest until you struggle to breathe. You twist and shake your body in an attempt to get rid of it all, like a wet dog shaking off water after an unpleasant but necessary swim. Is there a good reason hiding behind your own bath of uncomfortable thoughts that we can’t see? Or is this just the result of a negative stream of consciousness, its only aim being to keep you awake at night?
As uncomfortable and turtorious as these late night brain activities might seem sometimes, perhaps we are missing out on important information about ourselves by trying to get rid of them. Instead of interacting with our negative voice and accepting it as part of us, we reject an opportunity to learn about what goes on in our mind when we’re not listening, when we’re too busy paying attention to other voices. Perhaps this is why these suppressed thoughts seem to be so night active. It’s the only time when we are surrounded by no other possible distractions other than having to turn our blanket the other way around. It’s the only time we can’t let other tasks or people take our mind off things. You’re suddenly forced to be in your own company, and it’s harder to run away from that person than you think. Finally it gets to fight for your attention, and all it wants is to be listened to just like everyone else. Perhaps if we listen close enough, we notice that it does at least have some valuable things to say?
Uncomfortable and scarily dark thoughts can teach us what matters to us. They can be fuelled by anger or fear or frustration, and sometimes a rather unclear combination of all three. These are all strong feelings that we are constantly encouraged to suppress and ignore, because you obviously don’t choose to be unhappy and no one wants to be with anyone who is, right? “Choosing” to be happy, to “cheer up”, is nothing else but emotional suppression (and eventual self-destruction) disguised as being strong-minded and in control. “Cheer up” does not necessarily mean “I want you to be happy”, but rather “Look happy or you will cost me and others energy, time and money”. It’s too expensive to be sad. At least that’s what the instant response is. In reality though, how much is it really going to cost us, whether that currency is converted in money or sanity and emotional stability, when we neglect all the red flags indicating that we should confront these negative thoughts? How can we live an authentic life and be our most genuine selves, when we don’t know what matters to us, what we care about?
Not only do late night thoughts teach us about what we strongly care about, but they also reflect our principles which are deeply woven inside our minds. We might not always be aware of our moral compass, our own rules and attitudes towards ourselves and others, and the responsibilities and goals we set for ourselves, but these are all principles we live by every second of the day. How do we know who we are when we don’t know what principles to live by? How can we not lose ourselves when we don’t even understand the intentions and meanings behind our actions and thoughts, which inevitably influence our lives and everyone else that takes part in it? It’s only later on at night, that we can let our inner self talk about what it needs, but also what it desires. If we start to listen, we can find out what goals to pursue in order to live as healthily, happily, and in touch with ourselves as possible. We’re the ones that we’ll be stuck with for the rest of our lives, so it’s about time to get to know that person.
Not acknowledging that inner voice and suppressing negative emotions seemed like a logical response to a life that’s already hard enough. Before our privileged lifestyle and high living standards, people were forced to put other people and responsibilities first for the sake of their family’s survival. There were other needs that required attention, other desires that had to be taken care of before one could rest and start letting their own thoughts slip through. Shelves filled with self-help books might be a sign of a more self-centred society, but it’s also a sign of increased self-awareness and the will to change and improve. It’s a privilege that the majority can’t afford, and therefore a luxury only the rich, who have time to be self-conscious, can take advantage of. However, this doesn’t mean that you are not entitled to have power over your own life, when that power is granted to you. It’s just unfortunate that it’s still nothing but an utopian vision of the future that all people will get the opportunity to think about themselves, their desires, and their reason to rebel against life’s absurdity of mostly consisting of suffering right before its inevitable end.
However, the only way we can rebel against uncomfortable thoughts is to understand them first. You can only fight the enemy if you know it, and then maybe realise that he is just as much of a friend as he is an enemy that’s influencing and participating in your life. Detaching yourself from the enemy is not the same as ignoring it, but rather a necessary approach after you have acknowledged and then understood it. Only when you have identified the reason behind your uncomfortable thoughts, and see how its intentions are based on the will to live a better life, then you can start to objectify it and let go. Late night thoughts are like crying babies; the noise is unbearable and definitely annoying, but all it’s trying to say is that it needs to be fed or perhaps even just loved. As soon as these needs are identified, you can start trying to find a solution. If all goes right, you are likely to have learnt something about the baby’s needs and desires, and it won’t stop shouting until a couple of hours later when self-consciousness is bothering it again. Uncomfortable thoughts can therefore, ironically enough, help us to find out how to live more comfortably, so our brains can rest more at night and uncomfortable thoughts can be replaced with nothing else but sweet, sweet dreams.
