After years of swiping myself through lonely Friday nights and boring train journeys, I dare to say that I've become somewhat of a Tinder professional. Yes, it is my most regularly deleted and downloaded app (got to save space for downloading Spotify playlists- priorities, am I right?), and yes, I've had my ups and downs and occasional Snapchat disasters, but in all fairness, I've got to say that 8/10 times it's always been somewhat of a success. You'd be surprised if I told you about all the times I've had 2 am discussions about politics, philosophy and the weird phenomenon of the global Kardashian plague. Tinder isn't just there for instant gratification and dick pics (which are, by the way, two complete opposites). It's always got your back for whenever you're craving ridiculous conversations and the exchange of constant ego feeding- no strings attached. Tinder gives you the freedom to fully be yourself, and in case that seems to bother your match, you can simply move on to the next one.
Although I make it sound as if Tinder is our ultimate saviour and the best solution to boredom or even just impatience, I do have to admit that it's taken years of practice to perfectionate my Tinder game. After trials and errors and way too long bios that seemed like my actual autobiography, I have developed strategies and just about the right type of f*ck it attitude to make Tinder as fun and uncommitting as possible. To give you a slight insight into my expertise, a classic strategy could for example be to start a conversation with the lyrics of a song (I recommend "What is Love?" ... BABY DON'T HURT ME DON'T HURT ME NO MORE, classic). This is something I'd recommend for beginners or the ones that simply can't think of a good ice breaker. I promise it's a foolproof method to use, with the best reward being when your match continues on the lyrics and you end up talking about music, which is never a bad idea. The other alternative outcome could of course be that he doesn't understand a single thing and gets so annoyed that he blocks you. In which case, HEY DON'T FORGET, there's plenty more matches to annoy. But what are you going to do this time then, to secure success? Here is a list of basic tips to prepare you for a happy and healthy Tinder lifestyle, and to make sure that your Tinder game will actually be enjoyable instead of an awkward exchange of Hey Sexys and What's your snapchat? xxx.
1. Your bio is only a foretaste of who you are, not the whole meal
A common mistake that I see many make is that they reveal way too much about themselves in their bio. Tinder isn't your usual dating platform where you read through a whole profile to check if you'd be compatible, nonono, Tinder is far more superficial than that. Most people don't actually want to know about your hobbies and passions (yet), and neither do they want to add you on Instagram, because the harsh truth is, that Tinder users don't really realise they're dealing with real people until they start talking to them. When the talking starts, that is when you can talk about your stamp collection or whatever it is that you're into. This is also when you start getting more personal, so what's the point of asking questions when all the answers are already revealed in your Tinder bio? Additionally, there's also something mysterious about making someone find out who you are, so let them find out themselves. Oh, and last but not least-
guys, we couldn't care less about your height. And don't even think about mentioning your dick size.
2. Don't overdo the jokes - keep it short and simple
A lot of people try to impress a potential match with witty jokes and, in the absolute worst cases, an overuse of the crying laugh emoji. The trouble is that instead of looking like some part time stand-up comedian, you just end up looking like a drunk fourteen year old, who's trying to get laid by using his whole repertoire of pick-up lines at once. On one girl. It's fine, we get it. You're here for some fun and you want to reflect that in your bio. But there's nothing interesting about someone who's clearly trying too hard, when you can just prove your wit through a funny ice breaker instead, or even just later on through the following conversation. Number two is quite similar to tip number one: Don't reveal too much and just keep them guessing for a while. Otherwise, you're just taking all the fun away that Tinder and a potentially entertaining conversation has to offer.
3. Never underestimate the power of images
In contrast to the first two tips, I don't believe you can ever add too many pictures to your Tinder profile. Instead of writing a whole novel about yourself in your Tinder bio, you can simply tell a story with your images and let them speak for you. When it comes to images, it's actually alright to show parts of your life, your hobbies and whatever interests you, since they tell just a little bit about different sides of you that might create a good base for a conversation. Pictures don't just help you convince a potential match that you're good looking enough, but also that you're interesting enough to talk to. In fact, there's been many times I've swiped right, not necessarily because I found someone attractive, but because I found their images hilarious and I could tell that they were taking Tinder just as unseriously as me. Just make sure that your pictures aren't just selfies with different Instagram filters, keep it varied.
4. Don't show the world you'd date yourself if you could
This goes to all the bodybuilders and narcissist out there: No, we don't want to see your abs and neither do we care about perfect selfies. It's fine to show that you hit the gym once in a while, there's nothing wrong with taking care of your body, but don't make it look like that's the only thing you care about by uploading all your #gainz pictures. You might not agree, and you might not even be like that, but it can easily make you look like you are everything you care about and you're not afraid to show off how great you are. It's completely fine to admit you've got high self-esteem, and being confident in a conversation is actually very attractive, but perfect model headshots and gym selfies aren't going to get you far. Sometimes it can even be a little off-putting, because it shows that you're taking it way too seriously and the last thing you want to do is embarrassing yourself. Remember that you're not just here to impress, you're here to have fun- and who wants to talk to a sixpack anyway?
5. Know yourself and your intentions
What's so great about the app is its versatility. As I mentioned before, it's not only a dating app, but it's an entertaining platform that has the potential to create great conversations in addition to being the perfect ego-feeding-machine in times when you need that one match to make yourself feel just a little bit better. Some might also use it as the heterosexual equivalent to Grindr (or just a substitute for Grindr when the amount of pervy messages become a little overwhelming) or to actually find a significant other to share their life or a single night with. No matter what your intentions are, you should always stay transparent about them. Remember that not everyone's using the app for the same reasons as you, so you can't really complain about someone asking for your Snapchat, and neither should you lead someone on. If you get into a situation you're not comfortable with, then leave it, and if you can feel that someone wants more than you, just be open and honest about it and tell them. This way, everyone gets to be treated fairly. At the end of the day, we're not just someone's match, but a real life person with feelings.
If you've read and understood all these terms and conditions I just proposed to you, then congratulations! You're more than qualified to get into the Tinder business. Hopefully this will make it a little easier for you to start your Tinder game, and that it might even increase your Tinder matches. If you're still not entirely comfortable with making conversation and using the app confidently, it might be worth it to stick around for a little longer and read the next blog post about Tinder, where I talk more about starting a conversation, how to behave when talking to someone, and tips and tricks on how to deal with the challenges that come with it. In the meantime, I wish you good luck and happy tindering!