It's that time of the year again.
Well it would be, if I hadn't been a disappointment to this blog the past weeks and actually wrote this on V-Day. But just for the sake of the purpose behind this post, which is, per usual, to act like I'm less of an idiot than anyone else and therefore qualified enough to give some advice. So since this is more about making me feel smart, just please bear with me and you might get an idea or two about how to beat boredom, or even learn to enjoy your own company.
Once a year, we all have to listen to the collective moaning about how horrible Valentine's day is; how it is just another day that contributes to consumerism and that it sure as hell isn't about any other love than the relationship between capitalism and profit. It's the day when the tumblr-depressed and the lonely finally get something to tweet about that's only funny because it's relatable, and John Mayer is played on repeat while being accompanied by everyone's good friends Ben & Jerry.
However, if we forget about all the annoying posts and cringy adverts, we might actually manage to get something positive out of Lets-show-the-world-how-single-we-are-Day. Why putting yourself down, just because you don't have a SO to inhale each others' faces with in public? Just because you won't have to stress about finding a Valentine's gift, or be forced to watch the Notebook for the third time? Instead of acting like the only goal in life is to find a partner you're sexually attracted to, you could dedicate this day to the person you'll have to put up with your whole life: yourself.
Practice the easy, yet important, task of gratitude
I have to admit that I have a problem with the saying "Well, it could be worse", since it makes it sound like you're not allowed to feel any kind of sadness or negativity, as if only your positive feelings matter. However, I do believe in the power of learning to love what you already have, rather than loving what you can't make yours, which will only end in disappointment anyway. Studies actually show that gratitude can improve your well-being, such as research found by the two psychologists Dr. Robert A. Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough. They simply asked their participants in the first group to write down a list of daily irritations, the second group a list of things they were grateful for and the third group was supposed to write about events that had affected them, without specifically describing whether it gave them positive or negative feelings. After ten weeks, the second group wasn't only more optimistic about their lives simply by counting their blessings, they also exercised more often and took less visits to physicians than the first group.
Even though you might neither get the V nor the D on Valentine's Day, there is no reason not to spread your love to friends and family (way better than spreading herpes anyway heyho). When you think about it, there might be a good chance you're not actually as lonely and unloved as you think you are. Whether it's your friendly neighbour, that friend of yours you have grown close to, your dad who always sticks up for you or even just a colleague, who supports and motivates you at work. Even though yes, I agree you shouldn't need a special day to know you're grateful for having them in your life, but no, there is nothing wrong with reminding each other of that at least once a year.
Take yourself out on a SPA date
What better excuse is there to put on a face mask, binge eat your way through a box of chocolates and do absolutely nothing, than Valentine's Day? Use this day wisely to just focus on treating yourself and winding down. What always helps me is to completely disconnect from social media, create a new playlist or just listen to music in general (because let's face it- when does music not help you feel better?). An additional tradition I've developed throughout the years of my single life, is to reflect on the years that have passed. Am I happier than two or three years ago? What's there in my life that has made me happy and how can I keep it? Self-reflection can have quite a therapeutic effect on you, and it might help you release stress and declutter the mess that has inhabited your mind.
Netflix & ice cream is never a bad idea
I got to be honest - romantic movies fall on the list of most boring genres you can find. They're so predictable, create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships and the people in love are always flawless and can someone give me the number of their hairdressers, because my hair surely does not look that good in the morning. However, it's perfect for shutting off your brain, and just cuddle up in an imaginative blanket of fuzzy feelings the love birds in the movie give you, in addition to the comfort of knowing that what you predict and want to happen is probably going to happen. It's all just going to be fine.
Just make sure the movie won't make you feel even more single and desperate. Pro tip: always be accompanied by ice cream.
Try out something new - and do it all by yourself
Even though most of what I've mentioned so far is all about self-care and just staying in, that might not necessarily be what's best for you. If you get more out of getting out there and taking advantage of what the world has to offer, I don't want my inner armchair therapist to stand in your way. There is only one way I'd like to challenge yourself a little: Find something new you want to try out, and do it all by yourself. I find that there's a lot of people, who feel like they need to be surrounded by others, that they need their acceptance and love as a confirmation that they're good enough. Learning how to enjoy your own company could not only give you more opportunities to develop personal skills, but might also make you realize how much more of a badass you actually are. A good thing to do would be to prepare for Valentine's Day and make sure you've got everything you need to know before you start your one-day-adventure. This way, you can actually look forward to V-Day, and at the same time learn a thing or two about self-acceptance and how to love spending time with yourself.
Host a slumber party
As romantic as it is to take yourself out on a date, there is nothing wrong with dedicating a day or an evening to you and your loved ones. There are absolutely no boundaries or restrictions regarding how to enjoy time with your closest friends, so there is not a lot of advice I could give you, other than just: 'whatever floats your boat'. However, all of the above could be included in a date like that, a simple act of kindness wouldn't do much harm either, and if you feel like giving each other presents (because who would moan about that?) then I think it's safe to assume you're set up for a successful day full of love, and hopefully some good instagrammable pictures.
It's been a week since Valentine's Day, but if you're a little behind like me, feel free to try out one of these suggestions once a week or a month. Just keep in mind that it's important to dedicate this day to nothing and no one else than yourself and your loved ones, and that there's absolutely no shame in unregrettably neglecting all your work for one day. Give yourself the rest you deserve, and you'll come back ten times more energized.
No matter if single, in a happy relationship or complicated marriage, I hope you had a great V-Day, and that you make sure there are more good days to come. I'm off college for a week now and my host family is taking us all up north to Yorkshire on Friday, so I'll hopefully post some pictures from our little vacation next week. Speak to you all soon. x
