I have been starving lately.
Not in a way that I'm not eating- God knows that my love for food is as everlasting as Edward's love is for Bella. Actually, it has absolutely nothing to do with my belly. The problem I have been struggling with is placed a little higher in the human anatomy. A place that is far more complex and wired than my stomach and digestive system: my mind.
My cravings have been different from the usual caramel dark chocolate and cheez doodles. What I have been lacking has little to do with sugar, and more to do with the pleasure of challenging your mind. The occasional reflections on politics, ethics, morals, ideas and philosophical theories used to be a normal part of my life. Now that they have decreased in such a great way, I find myself feeling sluggish, almost deprived of a basic nutritious ingredient.
This lack of intellectual stimulation has made me come to a point where I almost get a little annoyed when people agree with me, resulting in making me want to adopt a very rare view on things just for the sake of a little challenge. A little voice inside me starts laughing and crying tears of joy, whenever I find a mind thinking differently from the status quo, and suddenly I feel more pleasure in disagreement than agreement.
Through this feeling of deprivation, I discovered another kind of loneliness. It leaves one screaming without anyone ever replying, not even anyone telling you to shut up. There is just this total vacuum, a space with no content but most frustratingly room for so much potential existence. But how do you fill so much empty space when there's no one willing to do the work?
Attempting to escape from this seemingly never ending circle of boredom, I signed up for courses about social sciences, Buddhism and modern psychology (and even ended up achieving 12/12 points for an assignment, at least one positive side effect here). My mind thinks about hundreds of ways to survive the second I take one step forward to jump off that cliff. However, despite of my decision to jump, I would still like to survive it, even though it sounds pretty much impossible in that last second of flying before I hit the water.
Obviously, there's different ways to stimulate yourself (not that type of stimulation you little sex beast ;)) My good old friends Albert Camus and Michel de Montaigne have both been very supportive, but I have to admit that I'd prefer to get some support from friends who aren't dead philosophers. This led me to try to pursue the art of creation; and doing things differently than before. I want to be able to challenge myself, without relying on other sources. So here's to a new chapter of creativity. I hope you'll be happy to join me on the journey ahead.
x
